Apocalypse Gear: Part 4 - Preservation
Published on 06/14/2012
By Billy Brown
You don’t have to have a Mayan calendar in your living room to be a little freaked out about living in the year 2012. Epidemics, solar flares, global warming, economic collapse (not to mention the constant threat of zombie apocalypse) are all knocking on your doorstep. Luckily, you’re an outdoorsman, so you know a thing or two about what it takes to survive when civilization isn’t around to baby you. Over the last few months, the Active Junky staff looked in our closets and dug up some gear that could come in handy when it hits the fan. Check out these next two items on our Apocalypse gear list and follow the series over the next two weeks as we reveal the best gear to keep you alive when the end comes. Good luck out there.
Gerber Gear Survival Series Parang
Nothing says “post-apocalypse” like a machete. They’re quiet, and they never run out of ammo. And, like it or not, few things say “survival” like Bear Grylls. So it stands to reason that Bear Grylls’ Survival Series Parang machete from Gerber Gear would be the ultimate in keeping yourself alive when things go to crap. The Parang’s 13.5-inch stainless steel blade sports a nice curve and its tang runs the length of the handle, balancing the machete’s 20-ounce weight. Since we’re in the middle of a zombie drought (for now), we tested the Parang on everything from small trees and brush to pineapples and coconuts, and nothing stood in our way for long. Testers loved the weight distribution of the Parang and the blade’s rubber grip, which prevented slippage during the sweatiest hackfests. Coconuts were especially vulnerable to the Parang, which is good news if zombies are what brings civilization to an end.
When the world ends, it’s going to be all about the things that remind you of better times. Bacon is one of those things. The only problem is that, unlike twinkies, pig meat usually has a fairly short shelf life. Enter CMMG’s Tactical Bacon, the canned bacon with a ten-year shelf life.When we first called it in, we thought it would be too heavy, imagining a huge can of the stuff. When a black Cambell’s soup-sized can came in the mail, we thought that there wouldn’t be enough bacon at all. It turns out, that wee can sports forty five fully cooked strips of bacon wrapped lovingly in some sort of wax paper. There’s no need to cook the stuff – as the instructions on the side say, simply open the can and receive your bacon. And receive we did. The bacon isn’t fully crispy (it’s in a can, for Pete’s sake), but there’s enough texture to pass as a soggier version of the magic meat, and it tastes like bacon should – pretty damn good. It’s not applewood-smoked, but it’ll do when the world ends. Even though it’s not on the high end of the bacons that we’ve had, it’ll still be good in ten years. And in a world with no pig meat, the man with bacon is king.
Shelter - Sierra Designs Pyro Maniac & EMS Kilo 1P Tent